


Nine Tenths of the Law

by WriteAnon



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-25 04:54:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6180949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriteAnon/pseuds/WriteAnon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sequel to Practice Makes Perfect.</p><p>Star, Marco, and Jackie are riding high on their newfound relationship, but trouble is on the horizon as an old flame shows up to put the moves on Star. With pressure from without and within, can the trio keep together or will they fall apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Weird is Normal and Normal is Weird

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic is NOT going to be explicit like the last one, rather I'm going to write the story first and add links to any requested lewd scenes later, if any.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

            Jackie leaned in as she built up speed on her skateboard, her brow furrowed in concentration; she would only have one shot at this. She leapt into the air just as she came up on the rail, her board clearing the tip as she ground her way down the stairs. The rail sang as she grinded down it, building up speed as she leaned into the slide. Once she had built up enough speed, Jackie hopped off the rail and drove both of her trucks into either head of the two-headed monster menacing Marco. The beast grunted and toppled forward, Jackie’s weight and velocity carried her onwards. She landed with grace and aplomb in the thick of a monster fight, kick-flipping her board into her hands and swinging the hard composite edge into the jaw of a passing Bearicorn, knocking what appeared to be a pre-molar out of his mouth.

            “Started without me, eh?” Jackie said, casually driving a knee into Potato Baby’s crotch. “You and Star, a romantic afternoon fighting monsters, just the two of you. You’re lucky I’m not the jealous type.”

            “Yeah, well,” Marco said as he ducked a swipe from Spike Balls. “We saw these guys just hanging around out back and figured ‘hey, when else are we going to get the chance to fight monsters? Monday? Tuesday? God forbid, _Wednesday_? You have to seize every opportunity, y’know?”

            “So, what’s the angle?” Jackie slid between Spike Ball’s legs and kicked one out from behind; Marco put one foot on the giant monster’s thigh and leapt up, driving a knee up and under Spike Ball’s chin. His head snapped back violently and the masked creature toppled backwards, unconscious. Jackie rolled away just in time to avoid being crushed. “New monsters? Secret weapon? Hostages?”

            “Nah, they just kinda showed up while we were walking through the park and attacked. Just Ludo trying to straight up jack the wand.”

            Jackie ducked a punch from Deer Beard. “Same ol’.”

            Marco caught the punch and flipped the monster over his shoulder. “Same ol’.”

            A glittering blast of magic sent the plant monster skidding across the park, landing at their feet. Star’s voice carried from inside a thicket of monsters. “A little help?!”

            “Coming, Star!” Marco called out, leaping over the writhing bundle of vines and breaking into a sprint.

            “Phrasing!” Star laughed. “Wait…are we doing that?”

            “No!” Marco leapt into the air and drove his elbow into the giraffe monster’s kidney at full speed, grabbing his back hair and kneeing him hard in the liver, winding and stunning him.

            Jackie rushed forward to help, only to have a thick green vine wrap around her ankle and topple her to the ground. Jackie turned around and saw the plant monsters coiling his roots around her legs, his wide mouth opening into a cavern of slick glittering fangs. Jackie reached into her pocket and produced a can of mace. “Some Cheyenne pepper will sort you out, I gawr-on-tee!”

            The Plant Monster blinked, grimacing. “Isn’t that made from ground up seeds? That’s, like, babies in a can to me!”

            “Oh, yeah?” Jackie said, looking genuinely surprised. “Yeah, I guess that’s kinda messed up.”

            “Right? It’d be like me spraying you with ground up toddl–” the monster began to say before Jackie unloaded the can point blank in his face. The flower creature screamed shrilly in pain and horror as he broke away, writhing on the ground as his mouth and eyes burned.

            Jackie laughed and leapt to her feet and ran towards the throng. “Yeah, whatever! Enjoy your fetus juice!”

            Marco pressed his back against Star’s completely surrounded by monsters. “These guys seem a little more determined this time around?”

            “Yeah, a bit,” Star said with a shrug. “Narwhal blast!”

            Bearicorn roared and swiped at them with razor sharp claws, the two narrowly dodged the deadly attack. An instant later and Jackie was on his back, the massive bear bellowed and swatted at her. Jackie swung under his arm and jammed the can of mace into his mouth. With a powerful kick from her muscular legs, she smashed his jaws shut on the pressurized can, rupturing it. Bearicorn howled in agony and clawed at his face as spurts of burning orange liquid burst from his mouth, spraying his fellow monsters with shards of metal and mace as he screamed. With the thicket sufficiently broken up, the trio escaped and ran out into the field.

            “Jackie, that was hardcore!” Star cackled, impressed.

            “Yeah, I mean, I almost feel a little bad for him.” Marco said, looking back at the horde of enraged monsters chasing them. “Err…almost.”

            “Ugh! Enough of this!” Star said, skidding to a stop, her wand arcing with magic energy. “Super Magical Kilo Mega Giga Tera…Pera? Pella? People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals? No…” The monsters closed the distance and were soon only a few feet away, Star grunted in exasperation and waved her wand. “Oh, just…FUCK OFF!!”

            The wand manifested an enormous broom made of energy that swept Ludo’s army into a massive waste-paper basket, which then exploded. Ludo was splayed out on a tanning chair, a recent issue of Mad Monster Magazine covering his face as he snored, the massive blast wave of the explosion knocked him from his chair, waking him with a start. “Snk!–Huh? Wah? Oh, right. That. You guys lose again?”

            The pile of monster bodies sizzled and smoked; the odd groan could be heard.

            “Ah, well. It’s not like I was expecting anything else! Honestly, we’re just here because the new castle wasn’t quite dank enough, it’s getting a mildew transplant and a few extra drips installed. Well, we’re done here, right Star?”

            Star looked at Marco, who shrugged. “Yeah, we’re done. But next time bring your A-game! If you’re going to jump me on a weekend, make it a good fight!”

            “Honestly, this was just a spur of the moment type thing, I’ll be back and next time your wand will be mine!” Ludo cackled as he opened a portal and shoved his monsters through. “Ciao!”

            “Jeez, this is almost getting routine,” Jackie mused, looking into her purse. “It’s costing me a fortune in mace.”

            Star waved her hand dismissively. “Well, it was fun, at least! So, what do we want to do with the rest of our Sunday?”

            “Something productive,” Marco suggested.

            “Something actually worth doing!” Jackie added.

 

            ONE HOUR LATER

 

            On the TV, Bruce Banner grimaced as his skin darkened to a greenish hue, his clothes splitting as his muscles swelled.

            “I…I need…” Star narrated as the Hulk burst forth with a roar. “ALL KINDS OF GAINS!!”

            “I’m pretty sure ‘Hulk’ is the name of at least three gym-rats I know,” Jackie mentioned as she shoveled popcorn into her mouth. “They all think this movie ripped _them_ off.”

            “My mom said that certain people fill out by emptying their heads,” Marco grunted, secretly mirin’. “Big deal, I’ve roundhouse kicked actual monsters that size!”

            “Don’t be jealous, otter-boy!” Jackie cooed, kissing him on the cheek. “I have a type, and you’re it!”

            Marco turned and gave her a short peck on the lips. Jackie giggled and threw herself on him. Star watched the two make out and weaved her fingers together, tilting her head. “Awwww…”

            Jackie reached out and pulled Star in, kissing her on the cheek. “Hey, you! C’mere, get in on this!”

            Star smirked and drew Jackie into a passionate kiss, Jackie hummed happily as she and Star faced off yet again to see who was the better kisser: Marco simply watched and smiled, internally grateful for his obscene luck. Star’s hand settled on his crotch as she shot him a sideways glance, then a wink. Marco moved in to get involved when the sound of keys jangling in the door drew their attention.

            “Jackie!” Mrs. Lynn-Thomas called as she walked through the door, her arms full of groceries; she jokingly spoke with an affected African American patois. “Where you at, girl? Come an’ help Ma in wit’ the food!”

            “Coming, Mom!” Jackie called, grumbling under her breath. “Not in that way, unfortunately…”

            “Oh!” Marco spoke up, getting to his feet and walked to the foyer. “Hey, Mrs. Lynn-Thomas!”

            “Oh, Marco!” she said, speaking regularly. “I should have known you’d be here. And where there’s Marco…”

            “Hey Madam L-T!” Star chirped, beaming.

            “There’s Star!” Jackie’s mom laughed. “Well, look at me! I have three healthy young backs to help me out in my dotage!”

            Star scoffed and pulled out her want. “I can just summon up some–”

            “Nope! Last time you summoned help, a squid ate my roast!” Jackie’s mom did a double take and looked at Star, gesturing to her own face. “Star, honey, you’ve got a bit of, uh, lipstick right around here.”

            Off on the upper left corner of her mouth was a smudge of light pink lipstick that very obviously wasn’t the same color as The kind on her lips. Jackie blushed and unconsciously covered her mouth.

            “Oh, yeah!” Star said nervously, wiping her face. “I, uh, must have missed or something.”

            Jackie’s mom eyed the three of them wryly, shooting Marco a smile and nearly imperceptible wink. “Well, it happens. You know, it’s so good that you three get along so well. Sometimes lady-types don’t mesh real good if there’s a man involved. You’re lucky they’re both so understanding, Marco!”

            “Don’t I know it!” Marco laughed as he headed out to unload the car.

 

* * *

 

 

            The lunch bell rang clear through the winter day. Naturally, California being what it was, the weather was sunny and the air was brisk; the highschoolers were out and about for lunch, a small group of them huddled around the staircase leading to the lower promenade. Ferguson and Alphonso talked amongst themselves as Jackie filled her friends in on the excitement that weekend.

            Jackie ground down the rail on the stairs, talking casually as she did. “So I see Star and Marco getting mobbed by monsters and I thought to myself ‘hey, I need a few more teeth for that necklace I’m making.’ So, I got in there and broke some heads!”

            “Would that I could be so brave…” Hope muttered to herself.

            “Say, what’s the progress on that necklace?” Janna asked, grinning widely. “I’m ready to see you rock that thing!”

            Jackie smiled at her friend’s morbid curiosity; she knew that the only thing keeping Janna from joining a monster brawl was timing, and the girl knew things, painful things; she’d definitely have to ask Marco about inviting her to the next melee. “I’d say I’m an incisor and a molar away from a full set. Granted, they all come from six or seven different monsters…”

            “Hey, Jackie!” came a call from behind, it was Marco. “Sorry I’m late. Flesh-eating cockroaches. Star’s cleaning the rest of them up, she’ll be by soon.”

            “Isn’t she bi now?” Jackie said with a smirk.

            “Ahhh! I see what you did there!” Marco laughed.

            Jackie and Marco laughed and shared a quick kiss, much to the joy of Ferguson and Alphonzo.

            “Sup, Diaz?” Janna said coolly. “The girlfriend and the best friend seem to get along. So, how’s it feel to be the third wheel?”

            “A tricycle is way safer than a bike,” Marco said matter-of-factly. “So, pretty good!”

            “What say we make it a quad?” Janna replied, arching her eyebrow playfully.

            ‘ _Oh, god, please no!_ ’ Marco thought to himself. ‘ _Any more women in my life and they might as well call me Sultan Diaz…say, that has a pretty good ring to it!_ ’

“You guys make monster-fighting sound like a lot of fun!” Janna continued. “And besides, you drag your weirdo friend along on dates, why can’t Jackie?

            “You _are_ a weirdo, Janna,” Jackie agreed, winking at Marco. “And who knows, maybe a quad could be a fun ride, eh, Darth?”

            “No!” Marco exclaimed resolutely. “Nope. Nunca. Negative. Not happening!”

            “Aw, c’mon!” Janna pouted. “I’ll just be there for the blood! I’ll turn around when you two start making out and everything!”

            “It’s bad enough Star and I have monsters trying to kill us, I don’t want to risk anyone else if I don’t have to.” Marco jammed a thumb at Janna. “Besides, we get in enough trouble with police as it is, the last thing we need is a kleptomaniac Wiccan with a rap-sheet!"

            Janna grunted indignantly. “Hey! I am not a Wiccan!”

            “Cops always blame us for collateral damage,” Jackie explained. “And I guess he has a point, even if he’s being a thundering asshole about it! Remember that time we broke into the museum? What do you think  the cops would have done if that was you instead of me, royalty and the Safe Kid?”

            “Hey!” Marco exclaimed, outraged.

            “What?” Janna said quietly. “C’mon, Jack…”

            Jackie shook her head. “What would have happened?”

            “Juvie,” Janna said quietly. “Okay, so I’ll skip the larceny and B’n’E adventures, but can I still stomp monsters with you guys?”

            “No, Janna. We make sound like fun, but that’s only because it’s mostly the loser monsters that hassle us. We get into serious trouble, like, on a bi-monthly basis, stuff that will kill us or seriously hurt us.”

            Janna scowled and rolled her eyes. “What, like that time you guys fought the Monopoly Guy? Yeah, big threat, Sabrina still talks about her knight in shining armor!”

            “We also fought a bunyip and a Shoggoth! I lost an arm once, did I ever tell you that?” Jackie exclaimed, Janna and the other assembled teens made a point of looking at both her arms; Jackie crossed them and grumbled. “I got better. Star has an arm spell. Look, the point is, fighting monsters is a lot of fun, sure, but when the serious stuff goes down, things get messy. Bloody. Who knows what’ll show up to kill us next?”

            “Whatever,” Janna huffed angrily before hopping to her feet and gathering her things. “I’ll see you around.”

            “Janna, don’t be like that!” Jackie called after her as she stormed off.

            Marco put a hand on her shoulder. “She’ll understand eventually.”

            “Sup guys?” Oskar Greason said as he walked by. “Any of you seen Star around? I got something to tell her.”

            “Oh, yeah. She’ll be here in a minute if you want to hang for a bit,” Marco said casually, internally baffled by Oskar’s suddenly frank and open nature, lack of keytar, and general presence on the school grounds at lunchtime. Typically, he’d be in the parking lot, peeling the paint straight off the cars with his ‘music’.

            Oskar paused and cleared his throat nervously; again, a decidedly un-Oskar mannerism. “Actually, it’s more a private thing, you know? I’ll catch up later. Tell her I was asking for her.”

            “Will do!” Jackie said as he walked away.

            There was a brief pause, everyone waiting until the older boy was well out of earshot before turning to each other.

            “How weird was that?” Ferguson exclaimed. “Oskar Greason just strung more than five words together. _Without_ his keytar!”

            Hope nodded. “Right? He was acting almost…”

            “Normal.” Marco rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

            “Who’s acting normal?!” Star said frantically, appearing behind him covered in bug guts. “I’ll kill ‘im!!”

            “Hey, Star,” Marco said, barely reacting to her outburst. “Oskar was here a second ago, he said he had something to tell you.”

            “Something _private_ ,” Leah added, smiling deviously.

            “Oooooh?” Star said, her eyes wide as a huge grin spread across her face before she blinked, her smile vanishing just as quickly. “Oh. Hey, yeah that is…normal. Did he seem normal to you guys?”

            “Yeah!” Ferguson said. “He didn’t even have his keytar!”

            “It was weird!” Hope added. “Him being normal, I mean.”

            “Oskar’s so weird that weird is normal and normal is weird,” Alphonzo clarified.

            “This conversation is getting fractal. Changing the subject,” Jackie interjected, turning to Star. “Hey Star, how was your day?”

            “Oh, Jackie!” Star darted forward and planted a kiss on her lips. “Good. Messy. How about you?”

            The group stared in silence, Star looked around, pretending to be confused. “What? That’s how Marco always greets her. I thought it was an Earth-thing!”

            “No, Star. It’s only–” Marco pretended to explain, amused that Star was playing this off as a cultural thing, when Ferguson clapped a hand over his mouth.

            “Shutyourwhoremouth!” he hissed, before turning to Star. “Why yes, it is a formal Earth greeting. By the way, hello Star.”

            Star smirked and grabbed Ferguson’s pudgy face, drawing him in for a deep, passionate kiss. Marco’s jaw dropped in surprise as he saw her open her mouth, likely showing Ferg that thing she did that somehow made one’s teeth tingle.

            She broke away and laughed, patting him on a flushed red, freckled cheek. “Nice try, Ferg. You earned that.”

            “Uh buh muh nuh buh ruh…” Ferguson stammered, his eyes wide and staring into nothingness.

            “Ummm…” Star waved her hand in front of his face, concerned. “Guys, I think I broke Ferguson.”

            “Hi Star!” Leah said, perhaps a bit too eagerly.

 

* * *

 

 

            Oskar sat down on the hood of his car; he picked up his keytar and plunked a few notes on it, the odd MIDI-synth sound made his teeth grind together. “She likes _this_ guy? Jeez, Starship, did you leave your standards behind when you left me?”

            Oskar looked at his hand, flexing it open and shut. This body was crude, wasteful, and limited, but whatever got him closer to Star was worth it. He’d spent a good chunk of the other night both figuratively and literally wringing the information out of a nerdy stalker-girl, but it had worked; not only did Star have an attraction for the look of this meat shell, but also the soul within it was apathetic and easy to subdue. Oskar grinned, it was not a human grin, for red light shone from within, setting his oddly fanged teeth in sharp contrast. Star would be his again, they were destined to be together, he knew it and she knew it. She was just…stubborn. Anyone could see that Star didn’t know what she wanted, or even what was good for her, she needed someone to guide her, someone strong and sensible. She needed him.

            “Hey, Oskar,” Star said from behind. “I heard you had something to say to me?”

            Oskar spun around, smiling winsomely. “Oh, hey, Starship! What’s good?”

            “Not that nickname,” Star said flatly, before smiling. “Where’d you hear it?”

            “Made it up,” Oskar answered honestly. “You know…stars are up in the sky, right? And starships fly around them, up there with them, kinda like you. Also, your name. Reminds me of a song I’ve been writing, actually.”

            Star’s eyes opened wide. “A song? Let’s hear it!”

            Oskar’s face fell and he waved dismissively. “Nah, it’s not ready.”

            “Hm.” Star tapped her chin. “So, what did you want to say to me?”

            “I wanted to ask you out, you know?” he said outright, smirking: Star had always liked the assertive type. “You, me. It could work, yeah?”

            “Yeah…” she mused for a moment. “It might. You never know.”

            Oskar blinked and grinned, she was playing it cool, as she was wont to do, but he knew that now was the time to seal the deal. “I’m hearing a lot of mights and stuff. I’m looking for a commitment. What do you say?”

            “Well…” Star said, dragging out the word, reaching out and tapping him with her wand. “I guess all I have too say is…expello persona.”

            A flash of rainbow magic exploded around him as a great sheet of agony washed over his very being. It was like being hit with a fire hose, the energy was too strong to even a feign resistance as his essence was blasted out of the body. Oskar muttered something and fell over backwards as a well-dressed boy with pink hair and sharp horns skidded across the parking lot, impacting a car door with enough force to dent it. The demon gasped and shook his head, his three eyes glowing like tiny suns as instinctual rage surged within him, filling him with an urge to tear and burn, to destroy this city and devour the souls of its inhabitants. With herculean will, he bade the fury back down, partially to prove to himself that he was no lesser denizen, but also because he knew the figure standing over him could crush him into the dirt without much effort. He looked up at her, a pained smile on his exotic, handsome face. “Hey, Starship.”

            “Tom,” Star said, her disgust only overshadowed by exasperation. “Really? You’re doing _this_ now? Possessing people is for imps and baldricks, weaklings! It’s pathetic, and not to mention insulting, as if I wouldn't be able to tell it was you in there!”

            Tom felt the sting on his pride from her distain, but she was right, it was beneath him. “Look, Star, I–”

            “–Was just leaving?” Star said pointedly. “Never to return? Why, that’s the best idea you’ve ever had! Hop to it!”

            “Okay, I’ll go.” Tom rose to his feet, looking her in the eye. “I just wanted to show you that I’ve changed!”

            “Oh, you’ve changed alright,” Star agreed, her voice low and expression strangely sad. “The Tom I knew would never sink this low. Get out of here.”

            Tom deflated and shook his head, snapping his fingers and disappearing in a flash of fire. Star rolled her eyes and looked over at Oskar, who was still on his back, sprawled out on the hood of his car, keytar in hand as he craned his head over the side and looked at her. “Hey, Star. What’s the ruckus?”

            “You were possessed by a demon. I saved you,” she said, feeling her heart flutter at the sight of his bondi-blue eyes.

            “Yeah?” he said, not sounding at all surprised or concerned as he tapped at his keytar discordantly. “Pretty rad, Starship.”

            Star sighed dreamily, even Tom’s lame nickname for her sounded good coming from Oskar. She shook her head, wasn’t she with Marco now…and Jackie? That whole thing was screwy, fun, but screwy. The bell rang clearly over the parking lot, Star was shaken out of her contemplation and turned back to Oskar. “Well, see ya! I gotta go to class!”

            “Same here,” Oskar replied, making absolutely no motions towards unseating himself and heading back to class. “See ya.”

            Star giggled and skipped back to class, Marco would be waiting.

 

* * *

 

 

            A pillar of fire flared up from the ground well away from the school, Tom stormed out of it and roared in fury, blasting a car with a stream of fire. She was just so frustrating! He didn’t hold it against her, though, she was just acting out, he’d win her back eventually but patience wasn’t his strong suit. Tom punched a cinderblock wall, putting a hole in it, bitterly wishing for something softer to dig into, to hear screams as blood squelched between his fingers.

            “Yeah, you show that wall who’s boss, sonny!” a voice said from behind.

            Tom’s head spun around with a snap, his face a nightmare of teeth and crimson light. There was a girl behind him, dressed in plain clothes with a green beanie over her blue-black hair; her face, maybe a little plain but hardly ugly, was drawn into a self-satisfied smirk, her eyebrow raised in unmistakable smugness. Tom advanced on her, his body rotating to face his prey, his clawed hands outstretched and grasping; nothing like rejection to make a guy hungry.

            Foolishly, the girl did not seem afraid, instead she simply stood her ground as the demon prince advanced on her. “So, having girl trouble there, gruesome?”

            “You won’t be any trouble, girl,” Tom rumbled, preparing to strike.

            She rolled her eyes; her insolence was infuriating. “Not me. Star.”

            Tom paused, was this creature one of Star’s friends? Star probably wouldn’t like it if he drank her friend’s bone marrow without her permission. “You know Star?”

            “Sure, I guess.” The girl shrugged. “You must be Tom, the demon prince. Holding that torch hard there, son!”

            “She told you about me?” Tom said, smiling. “What did she say?”

            The girl smiled mischievously. “Oh, just that you were this great big bad ass in hell. That you're really powerful, confident, assertive…” Tom puffed up, grinning; Star knew what she had let slip through her fingers. The girl continued. “…Controlling, manipulative, violent, angry, and thoroughly toxic.”

            Tom growled and rallied against her, only to have her shove a carved bone in his face. The bone was festooned with charms and wardings, he backed way and hissed as his own magic was siphoned away and used against him by the totem's protective charms. The girl smiled triumphantly. “Hey, waddaya know. It actually works.”

            He snarled frustration and began to storm off when she called after him. “I can help you!”

            He stopped, cocking his head so he could hear her more clearly without actually turning around. She understood this cue and continued. “I have a proposition that you may find interesting. We both have a problem and his name is Marco Diaz.”

            Tom stared at her blankly. “Who?”

            The girl made an overblown chopping motion with her hand. “Hi-ya!”

            “Oh, right. Him." Tom unconsciously rubbed his wrist. “How is he my problem?”

            “I’ll explain later,” she said, offering her hand to him. “The name’s Janna. And we’re gonna go far.”

            Tom examined her outstretched hand and, after a moment of contemplation, took it. “I hope you know what you’re getting into.”


	2. Subjective, Really

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness, guys. Life's been hoovering up my writing time.

            The school bell rang shrilly, heralding the end of the day. As the students of Echo Creek Academy filed out to get on with the rest of their afternoon, Star, Marco and Jackie gather together near the bus stop, idly chatting away about the events of that day.

            “Was it just me, or was Skullnick wearing a push-up bra today?” Marco said.

            “Yeah, the pups were definitely on display today,” Jackie agreed.

            “Pups?” Star exclaimed. “I have pups, you have bigger pups; Skullnick has _hounds_!”

            They all laughed at this, Marco shrugged. “I guess your dating app thing worked, Jackie.”

            Jackie laughed and nodded. “Found her a couple dozen guys who were into trolls. I guess she’s been getting some action, she did seem to have a spring in her step the past few weeks.”

“Ugh,” Marco muttered. “Who would want to bump uglies with Skullnick?”

            “I just told you,” Jackie replied. “A couple dozen guys. At once, from the look of her.”

            The three had a collective shudder at the simultaneous mental image they experienced.

            “Hey…” Star said, looking over at the school parking lot. “Is that Ludo and his goons over there?”

            Sure enough, over in the parking lot was a dozen or so monsters, Ludo was pacing back and forth impatiently, checking his watch. Star turned to Marco, who shrugged and looked over at Jackie, who smiled and cracked her knuckles. The trio marched over to the assembled punching bags.

            “Waiting for someone?” Star called out.

            Ludo spun around and threw up his hands. “Where have you been?! School let out ten minutes ago!”

            “Yeah!” said Bearicorn. “An’ you ain’t exactly the extracurricular type!”

            “Shut up, you dolt!” Ludo snapped, swatting his shin. “But yeah, it’s not like you care about this child-prison the humans quarantine their young in every day! So what gives?”

            Star jabbed a thumb over her shoulder at Jackie and Marco. “We were fuckin’ in the broom closet.”

            Ludo sputtered in surprise, turning pale as he heaved and retched. “Urlp! Huugh…no, no, just in my mouth. _Never_ say that again! Monsters! ATTACK!!”

            The monsters roared and rushed forward, Star drew her wand and Jackie and Marco tagged themselves in, grinning with anticipation. They charged forward, fists balled and wand sparking.

 

* * *

 

 

            “So…how, exactly, are _you_ going to help _me_?” Tom asked as Janna fished around in her backpack.

            “My grandma was a, uh, I guess you could say that she travelled a lot,” Janna answered, producing a medium sized box from the bottom of her pack. “She picked up a lot working with witches, wiccans, sorceresses, and magi from all over the world!”

            Tom blinked slowly, decidedly unimpressed. “Ooh! The old bat travelled the magicless world and scrounged up a bunch of magicless spells! Kinda like picking up empty water bottles in a desert…in hell.”

            Without looking, Janna tossed a button with a siphon rune and heat sigil inscribed on its surface. The button bounced off Tom’s face, absorbing a tiny fraction of his demonic energy and converting it into heat, causing the small epoxy button to explode violently in a flash of light and smoke.

“Gah!” Tom leaped back, more from surprise than pain. “How do you keep doing that?!”

“Siphon runes,” Janna answered glibly. “Nordic in origin, basically a magic magnet. Earth doesn’t have much latent magical energy, so we’ve had to figure out how to focus what little bleed-through there is from the other realms.”

“So you know about all that, huh?” Tom said, somewhat impressed. “Then you should know that no spell you cast here would resonate with enough magic to be anything more than a charm!”

“Ah duh!” Janna rolled her eyes. “Most ‘magic’ on earth is fake, everyone knows that. Even the best spells barely work!”

“So what have you got in the box?”

Janna smiled, opening it. “The best spells, of course. My grandma took everything that worked from all over the world, crafting super-spells. Depending on celestial alignment or whatever else, she could incline people to give donations, or curse people who wronged her! This one time, she cursed a guy and he forgot where he left his house keys every day for a year! No-oned messed with púridaia after that.”

“The horror,” Tom said, flatly. “So, what, we gonna incline Star to donate to the Date-a-Demon Charity? Ooh! We could make the karate kid tie his shoelaces together every morning! Maybe, if we try really hard, we could make him put his pants on _backwards_! Oh, boy! That’ll send Star running for me!” Janna threw another button at him, which popped sharply in a flash of light, the tiny explosion leaving a smudge on his shirt. “Ow! Cut that out!”

“Don’t be a smartass! The point, you idiot, is that she could do all that while running on fumes! Imagine what I could do with an inexhaustible source of magic to fully charge them!” Janna wrung her hands together, grinning. “Suggestion will turn into compulsion, charms become jujus, and curses…well they’ll stay the same, but worse.”

“And I’m thrilled for you, doll, really, I am. Just one little question: just where is this ‘inexhaustible’ source of magic you’re talking about?” Tom disparaged, Janna smirked and eyed him up, causing him to step back. “Whoa, wait _what_?!”

“It’s doable,” Janna scoffed. “Granny did it to an imp once, I hear. I mean, sure, it died, but I bet you’re made of tougher stuff. C’mon, it’ll be like giving blood!”

Tom rolled his eyes. “She said with a straight face. Do you know what happens when demons use too much magic on earth?”

“Mh-hm!” Janna nodded, smiling pleasantly. “They shrivel up, burst into flames, and die. I won’t be taking that much, jeez! Just a little top-up, you know, like a bump of gas to get you home.”

Tom shook his head. “It’s a balance, being here. It’s like osmosis; even for a demon as strong as me, if I lose just a little too much magic, this world will suck the rest out of me like a vacuum! It takes a lot of power to hold my form is this realm; I really can’t afford to donate any. So, I’ll pass.”

“Phht! Just possess another person. Anchor yourself to a body and it’ll free up a shitload of magic!” Janna offered.

Tom groaned in exasperation, this girl really knew her stuff; it was getting super annoying. “Yeah, okay. Say I do that, what’s the plan? How are your hokey spells and curses gonna get Star back to me, anyhow? Doesn’t matter what you throw at her or who’s souping up your spells, Star is next-level!”

“Oh, I know,” Janna chuckled sinisterly. “That’s why Star isn’t the target. Now, go possess someone and come back to me. You’ll need a face with two eyes for this plan to work.”

“I already tried that!” Tom exclaimed. “Star can see right through me!”

“You leave that to me, trioculus!” Janna replied, growing increasingly annoyed at this obstinate tool. “Now go find a new face, I’m already tired of this one!”

Tom sighed and made off towards his target.

 

 

            “Jackie!” Star called out. “On your six!”

            Jackie ducked and kicked back, luckily landing a hard blow to the Giraffe’s gut. The monster doubled over and wheezed, allowing Jackie to reach up and yank his head down into the asphalt with a boney ‘thwack’. As other monsters circled around her, she quickly clambered up the unconscious Giraffe’s neck, sliding down his back and over to Marco, who was wrestling with the Flower Monster.

            Marco struggled against Flower’s multitude tendrils, each time he managed to pry one away, two more would fasten around him. Flower laughed and pulled him in, his wide mouth set with sharp drool-slicked teeth, ready to bite and rend.

            “Vines off, Giving Tree!” Jackie shouted, producing a small canister of liquid, squirting it in Flower’s eyes. The monster screeched in agony and writhed on the ground, desperately rubbing his eyes, Jackie grabbed Marco and pulled him to his feet. “C’mon! We gotta regroup!”

            “How many cans of mace do you even have?” Marco asked as they ducked behind a car.

            “That wasn’t mace,” Jackie said with a grin.

            “Nail polish remover?!” Flower screamed after them in pain and outrage. “You sociopath!!”

            “Man! These guys are kicking our asses!” Marco groaned, rubbed his bruised ribs. “Where’s Star?”

            “Incoming,” Jackie intoned, ducking her head.

            Star flew screaming through the air, impacting the car square on the rear window, shattering it with a sharp crunch. Star groaned and rolled off the car, landing next to them facedown on the pavement. “Okay…Ludo’s bringing his A-game this time, guys.”

            “We noticed!” Jackie and Marco said in unison.

            “They’re not giving me enough time to think up a good spell,” Star hissed in frustration, laying down suppressing fire over the trunk of the car. “They seem to have gotten wise to our whole ‘humans distract, mewman destroy’ ploy.”

            “It worked for as long as it could have, I guess,” Marco sighed wistfully; he had liked that strategy.

            “Any other ideas?” Jackie said desperately, pegging Potato Baby in his third eye with a chunk of asphalt.

            “I was thinking ‘punch Ludo until he stops moving’!” Marco said, pointing at the cheering kappa standing unusually close to the battle. “I should be able to get most of them off your back for a few minutes at least.”

            “Marco, that’s way too dangerous!” Jackie exclaimed. “They’ll kill you if they catch you!”

            “Then they won’t catch me!” Marco replied, turning to Star. “Boost me.”

            Jackie grabbed Marco by the hoodie. “Wait! This is stupid! Let’s just leg it and lose them in the city.”

            “Retreat?!” Star cried in indignation. “It’ll be an Minnesota winter in a certain hot place before I run from Ludo and his schmuck-brigade! Preparing the Marcofaust!”

            Marco wriggled out of Jackie’s grip and leapt into the air, Star fired a blast of rainbow energy up at him, launching him over the crowd of monsters. Marco loosed a battle cry as he lanced up and over their heads, only to have Fly Monster streak up and headbutt him mid-arc. Marco grunted and plummeted to the ground, Bearicorn stepped up and plucked him out of the air, pulling him into a bear hug.

            “Oh, please!” Ludo sneered. “You pulled that move before, too! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on you again!”

            “Marco!” Star and Jackie cried.

            Marco gasped and groaned as Bearicorn began to squeeze, the burly monster’s mighty arms flexing as he felt his bones grind together. The last of his breath squeaked out as the monster crushed him.

            “Normally, I’d demand that you give me the wand or the boy dies,” Ludo mulled this over. “Nah. I’d much rather see your face when Bearicorn pops him like a ketchup packet!”

            “You bastard!” Star roared, leaping over the car and drawing her wand. “Drop him now or I’ll­­–”

            “Vaporize us?” Ludo smirked, standing in front of Marco. “So, you’d rather kill him yourself than let us do it? I can dig that, but I don’t think it’s what you want, is it?”

            Star grit her teeth, tears welling up in her eyes as Marco slowly turned purple. Bearicorn chuckling like an imbecile as he crushed the life out of her…fuck-bestie? Now was not the time to get confused!

            Ludo cackled at her plight, reveling in her frustration and terror when a hideous noise pierced the air. The assembled monsters shouted in pain and clasped their hands over their ears; Bearicorn dropped Marco as his ears rang painfully. Marco gasped the air hungrily and scurried away from the distracted monsters, huddling behind the car as Jackie pulled him into a relieved embrace. All eyes turned to see a teenage boy sporting ragged shorts and a red ascot; it was Oskar, keytar in hand as he walked calmly towards the monsters.

            “Ah! God! What is that?!” Ludo hissed. “It sounds like a rabid cat attacking a chalkboard!”

            “Rude, bruh. Quality is subjective, really,” Oskar said flatly, advancing on the monsters as he strummed on his keytar. “I prefer the term ‘experimental-music’. It sounds cooler ‘cause’a the ‘X’.”

            “Monsters!” Ludo shouted over the shrill, discordant melody. “ATTACK!! STOP THAT HEINOUS RACKET!”

            The monster army roared and charged Oskar, who shrugged and sidestepped, revealing a mega-amp and speaker. “Nah. Ain’t no-one got time for that shit.”

            His fingers danced across the keys as multi-faceted awfulness blasted from the speaker, a-melodic screeching and nausea-inducing bass mixed with sirens and horns in some kind of hellish chorus. The monsters cringed away from the boy, who simply walked ever forward, expertly amplifying random aspects of the ‘song’ to make the already horrid tune into something eldritch.

            “I call this song ‘Hey Lunch, Good to See You Again’,” Oskar grinned, building up for a drop. “Wait’ll you hear the chorus, it’s called ‘Join the Party, Breakfast’.”

            Ludo felt his stomach lurch and spasm, as well as certain other, lower, faculties begin to loosen. “No! For the love of God! Have mercy, Fang-Man!”

            “Get outta here, you toad-lookin’ gremlin,” Oskar kept grinning, but there was nothing friendly or benign about it. “This is _my_ parking lot.”

            Ludo tore open a portal with his scissors and bolted through it, followed immediately by his monsters, some of who were beginning to retch.

            Oskar stopped playing as soon as the portal snapped shut, flicking his hair to the side nonchalantly. Star cheered and rushed over, drawing Oskar into a tight hug. “Whoo! Oskar to the rescue!”

            Jackie and Marco peered out from behind the car, completely dumbfounded; Oskar waved at them. “Sup?”

            “I didn’t know you could hurt people with music!” Star said excitedly. “You must teach me, master!”

            “S’nothin’, Starship,” Oskar shrugged. “My normal music sends folk running anyway, so I know what keys to hit and when to bring the hurt. Heh, drives my mom crazy, all those music lessons she paid for only taught me how to _not_ follow the rules!”

            “What a rebel!” Star said, her eyes wide and adoring as she reached out with her wand. “Expello persona.”

            Oskar was consumed bodily in a wave of technicolor magic, the shrill electrical thrum of the blast rattled the window panes in the school building.

            “Star!” Marco cried. “What the hell?!”

            Jackie pointed at the roiling dust cloud. “Look!”

            Oskar was standing in front of Star as though nothing had happened, wisps of dust a smoke curling around him. “Huh. That was a hell of a thing. What was that? A D? F?”

            Star laughed and patted him on the shoulder as he tried to replicate the sounds on his keytar. “Can’t be too sure! It’s Oskar, guys!”

            “Who else would it be?!” Marco exclaimed as he walked over to them.

            Star blinked in surprise. “…Did I forget to tell you he got possessed by Tom earlier today?”

            “YES!!” Marco shouted and threw up his hands. “Tom was here? Is that why he was acting so nor­–” Marco glanced over at Oskar, who waved serenely. “So…out of character?”

            “Nice save, Darth,” Jackie chuckled. “Speaking of saves; thanks for that, Oskar.”

            “S’nothin’, Jackie. Oh! Heard you talking about your necklace earlier, y’know, when Satan was kicking around in my body.” He fished around in his pockets, producing a couple of fresh monster teeth, seemingly knocked out of a monster or two earlier in the fight. “Figured you might want these for it. That’s metal as fuck, by the way.”

            “Thanks!” Jackie said, holding out her hand as he gave them to her.

            As the teeth touched her skin Jackie felt a surge of energy rush through her, almost like a static shock, but sharper. The jolt raced through her arm and into her head, Jackie blinked as a strange focus took hold of her: the teeth, the monsters, the fight…Marco had almost died! She turned back and watched Marco and Star laugh and joke with each other, oblivious to how close they had come to disaster. She reviewed the battle in her mind; Star couldn’t have helped, if Oskar hadn’t come when he had…

            Watching them banter irreverently, she felt something new rising in her, something almost totally alien: anger. Star didn’t even register that she had almost gotten Marco killed! Did she even care?

            “Jackie?” Marco said, turning to her. “You okay?”

            Jackie forced a smile, hiding her clenched fist behind her back. “Fine. Hey, let’s get out of here, being at school this long is giving me a rash.”

            “Word,” Star said, turning to Oskar. “Hey, wanna walk home with us?”

            “I got a car,” Oskar said pithily. “You guys want a ride?”

            “DO WE!” Star exclaimed happily. “C’mon!”

            Jackie pulled Marco close to her as they walked to the beater-car, the demon teeth in her pocket hummed and pulsed with energy.

            Oskar smirked as Star chattered happily in his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure everyone knows where this is going.
> 
> Any requests for X scenes?


End file.
